I became obsessed with the idea of becoming my Best Self in 2007, when I was 23 years old after moving to the big city of Toronto. I had just finished flushing two years of my life down the toilet, heavily addicted to playing World of Warcraft religiously. Leveling up my sweet protection warrior and leading my guild to kill big bad monsters and save the world of Azeroth. I was a hero! In my own mind.
But I eventually realized that by devoting myself to leveling up my character in a game, I was significantly stunting my growth as a human being. I was leveling up my character, but I wasn’t leveling up myself at all. Myself was stuck. Because of fear and limiting beliefs.
What snapped me out of it? Funny story. I tried to kiss the third girl in my entire life who ever showed even remote interest in me. And she rejected my kiss. The rejection destroyed my fragile delusional identity I had built up about myself. I went home and cried like the emasculated baby boy I was. Because I realized fully and completely that I was, despite all my self-told lies, a loser. A loser that women didn’t like, and weren’t attracted to. I was terrified of any form of rejection or disapproval and didn’t know how to have a normal interaction with a human being. Especially not a woman. And definitely not a woman I liked. I thought that I was almost certainly going to die alone. And as a virgin.
But eventually I stopped crying. And felt a strange calm of certainty and conviction in what I must do next. I must do whatever it would take to become who I wanted to be; a man that women would want to be with. In that moment I realized I was not a loser. It was just layers and layers of fear programming over who I really was that was making me act like a loser. So I got up, put on my big boy pants, and started learning and growing. I flew through dozens of books and websites, and watched and listened to countless hours of video and audio. I soaked up any information I could on how to grow. Social/emotional self development became my burning obsession and Mission.
And my main focus of growth? Being good with women! I spent nearly every day for the next three years as a pickup artist to pickup and date women. Now, before you write me off as a misogynist manipulative player, let me explain something. First, I’ve always loved women. I haven’t always been devoted to them and their needs until much more recently, but I’ve always loved them. And I’ve always wanted them to love me. Second, I’m not here to teach pickup. I’m here to teach men and women how to be their Best Selves by the way they interact with each other, so that they can create a Dream Relationship. Third, there two ways to be a pickup artist. One way is to focus on how to manipulate women by becoming increasingly someone you are not. I tried that briefly at first and it killed me inside. I just couldn’t do it. But the other way is learning to get rid of all the fear and costumes that prevent you from being who you really are with women. So you can give your Gift of being your Best Self with them. And it quickly became clear to me that that was all I cared about. It was more important than actual success with women. For me the only choice was learn to be genuine and confident in the real me, or don’t bother with it at all and go back to fighting monsters in World of Warcraft.
So becoming my Best Self was what I started learning how to do. I began religiously pushing through every fear and limiting belief that was stopping me from being who I knew I was. Destroying the part of me that cared what people thought, bit by bit. Painful rejection after painful rejection. And women are amazing bullshit barometers. They taught me how to see my own bullshit and lack of confidence, by rejecting me. Their rejection of me was a gift. One that they gave me over and over and over. And I am so grateful for that. Because slowly and surely, and with ever increasing success, I learned how to be more genuine and confident in who I was. Eventually I started a pickup coaching business to teach other men what I had learned. Based on being genuine and honest.
I eventually fell for a woman, and experienced my first real relationship. At 26 years old! It was mostly a disaster. She was very attracted to me. And I was very attracted to her. And she was the first woman I really loved. But I somehow I kept making my girlfriend very angry and finding myself in arguments over things that seemed completely insignificant. I had no idea what I was doing, but I couldn’t seem to control myself well in these arguments or fix any of our problems. It definitely seemed like it was all her fault though, but only because I wasn’t harnessing the power of my masculine/feminine programming! I wasn’t taking responsibility for how I was co-creating everything I experienced. But I did learn that pickup and dating was very different than a loving committed relationship.
In 2011, after almost a year of my unhealthy relationship, I broke up with that woman for my own sanity and moved to Africa to teach young children in a Montessori School. That’s where I experienced true loneliness. With no support system, friends, family, or self-improvement to push me through it, I had no choice but to deal with my heartbreak all alone. And I couldn’t fathom how to go about doing that. Distraction didn’t work, meditation didn’t work. What I eventually found did work was painfully obvious in hindsight: I moved all of my attention into my pain and felt it completely. And cried my ass right off. Africa is where I learned to let go of anything that needed letting go of. And I did a lot of letting go over that entire year I was there.
I moved back to Toronto in 2012 a new man. I went back to pickup with a burning obsession to become exactly who I wanted to be. Be able to say what I wanted and do what I wanted with absolutely zero fear. After doing all that crying in Africa, I took life, and took myself, so much less seriously. It was all a game. With zero shits given to what people thought. It was more pickup and dating again for nearly four more years. Meeting women on the street, in bars, at events, and even on the subway. Yes, I’ve actually started mini-subway parties by getting everyone talking to me and each other. Scary. But fun! Nearing the end of this time, my confidence and social skills seemed pretty close to maxed out. I still felt some mild fears (and I still do to this day), but nothing that could hold me back. I had introduced myself to over 10 thousand women (and a few thousand men). And I was starting to get really bored.
By 2016, I got tired of non-exclusive experiences with women I didn’t love. I wanted commitment. I wanted a life long relationship so I could continue growing with a partner. I wanted the love of my life. And I set my full intention to find her, date her, and love her as hard as possible for the rest of my life. I found her two days later. Less than a year later and we were happily married.
Well, mostly happily. Because the same issues that happened in my past relationship surfaced in this one. Not nearly to the same extent, because my wife was full of integrity and emotional maturity, and I was… slightly more mature than in my last one? She was also one of the very few women I had met who had incredibly high self worth and self confidence. And was unwilling to fully submit to my leadership when I offered her no devotion to her needs. Which is one of the reasons I found her so irresistible. She wouldn’t give her power away for nothing in return.
But therein lay the problem. It was a good relationship. We had tons of fun together. We were relatively attracted to each other. But something didn’t feel quite right. Even though we were two of the most well developed, confident people I knew. I just didn’t feel like the man I wanted to feel like much of the time. And she didn’t feel like the woman I wanted her to be. The interplay between the two of us was just ‘different’ than so many of my dating experiences, where I was clearly the man, and the woman was clearly the woman. Something was missing.
That ‘something’ was masculine / feminine polarity. A man in his masculine. A woman in her feminine. Giving each other their best masculine and feminine gifts. And we were not exhibiting that. This made us a somewhat androgynous couple. It still ‘worked’, pretty well though, only because of our hyper-independence, maturity, self-confidence, and ability to meet our own needs. But it wasn’t the Dream I had imagined. And every time I tried to change her to be the way I wanted, she resisted.
That all started to change the day our son was born, in mid 2019. It was that day that I realized I had never really known how to truly, fully, and unconditionally love someone other than myself. And he made me feel what true masculine devotion felt like for the first time. I didn’t yet have a name for it. But I felt that feeling in every bone in my body. He was born with life threatening health issues and trapped by a medical system that was bent on making them worse. And I knew that it was my responsibility to protect him and do all I could to make him better. It was my job as a man. As a father. Again, I didn’t yet have the words to say it was my job as a “Devoted Masculine Man”. But I felt compelled to do that job. With every last ounce of strength.
And so, for the first time, I became 100% devoted to another persons needs that weren’t my own. A devotion that I had been incapable of giving my wife our entire marriage. I didn’t know it was a thing. I didn’t understand it as the Gift it was, and I didn’t realize I had it in me to give it. Until my son brought my masculine devotion program fully online all in one glorious second when I first laid eyes on him. And it felt more deep and meaningful than anything I have ever known. I would have done absolutely anything for my son.
My son died six months after he was born. And there has been no greater pain I have ever experienced or will likely ever experience again. He will forever be my first true love, the first person that I loved with my entire heart. I didn’t know such a love was possible. Until him. It took some time to realize that he came into this world for a greater purpose. To give me the most important gift I could have ever received and change the direction of my life forever. It was a gift that I desperately needed to completely unlock my full potential…
He opened my heart. Fully. Wide. Open. So I could feel and experience masculine devotion for the first time. He didn’t come to this world so I could give him a full childhood of that devotion like I desperately wanted. He came into it to make me capable of giving that devotion to others. To my wife. To the world. To teach other men how to do the same. To teach women how to bring it out in men. In a time that it is needed more than ever.
I have a lifetime behind me of not caring about anyone’s needs much other than my own. In my mind, I was responsible for no one but myself. And everyone else was responsible for themselves and not for me. My needs were my needs. Their needs were their needs. And I had no interest in sharing that responsibility for the needs of others. That felt like a burden. I had no interest in interdependence, just independence. Which I admit, can be a rather fun and carefree way to live life, at least when single.
My son changed all that. He taught me how to be a Devoted Masculine Man during his six months of life. First devoted to him to keep him safe. And then devoted to my wife so she could give him her feminine Gifts as a mother. And it was also my son that helped me see a completely different side to my wife. He brought it out in her. Something so radiant and beautiful that it compelled me to do whatever it took to bring that out of her. It was this experience, early on during my sons short life, that made me realize there was something big I had missed in all my years of pickup. And I wanted to find out what it was. This was when felt called to start learning about the masculine and feminine. All the events lined up for that learning to take place. And the right people pointed me in the right direction. This was late 2019. I quickly became obsessed.
Every single thing I had learned about self-development clicked into place. It all finally made perfect sense on a level I never thought possible. I began rebuilding all my conceptual models about people, men, women, and relationships that I had taught others and written books and articles about. And I began applying everything I learned. It wasn't significantly difficult, I already had most of the skills, I just wasn't fully using them. I hadn't fully been operating through my masculine program. So I began working on becoming far more masculine. Pushing through fears I didn’t realize I still had. But my motivation was different this time. It wasn’t just for me. In fact that became increasingly less important. It was done and is still done as a Gift to give my wife. A Gift I felt compelled to give: To become a Devoted Masculine Man… for HER.
The old me wasn’t motivated to change because I was perfectly happy with who I was. My wife couldn’t motivate me to change for her because she made it feel like a burden and obligation by trying to do it with masculine energy and telling me what to do or judging me for not doing it. And I couldn’t change her by telling her what to do because she would have disrespected herself by changing for my needs when I wasn’t willing to be devoted to hers. It had been an energetic stalemate. Until my heart opened and I became motivated to become a Devoted Masculine Man for her. Once I began changing myself by offering my masculine gifts to my wife through my devoted leadership, my wife started changing by being willing to offer me her feminine gifts through her submission as a Surrendered Feminine Woman. I changed myself, and in so doing, I changed what we were co-creating. All of our relationship problems began melting away. That was what my son came into this world to teach me, teach US, how to do.
Relationships are actually really easy. Laughably so. I mean, they are challenging and confusing as all hell. And it took a ton of work to get us to where we are today. And we still have growth ahead of us to make the Dream even better each and every day. But once you become a Devoted Masculine Man or a Surrendered Feminine Woman you’ll look back and laugh at how you tortured yourself for nothing. The relationship will no longer be a difficult struggle. No longer an irritating battle. No longer an intimacy and attraction killer. No longer a ticking time bomb for the next argument. They become a Dream Come True.
And teaching you how to master your Masculine and Feminine programming is my Gift I have to give to you. I have been led here, pushed through intense fears, suffering, struggle, and heartbreak. So that I would have the knowledge and experience to best be of service to you in your goals. So that you can create your own Dream Relationship, and be able to give your own best Gifts to your beloved. And the world.
It really is all up to you. Believing the problem lies external to you is a limiting belief that is preventing you from creating and living your Dream. Sure there are narcissists and abusers who will never grow with you. But that is the exception, not the norm. They are there to teach you lessons to learn to respect and stand up for yourself by removing them from your life. But most other people will change. They will change only once you start changing yourself. That change must come first. Don’t wait for them to change themselves. YOU start. You polarize yourself, and you polarize your partner, and/or attract polarized potential partners. And the relationship becomes what it always had the potential to be.
It doesn’t matter if you are a man or woman. The problem isn’t your partner. The problem isn’t the dating pool (not completely anyway). The problem is YOU. Or more specifically, your fears and limiting beliefs and limited knowledge that prevent you from being the best you that you can be. Your Best Self. I know that’s a tough pill to swallow. But as soon as you take full responsibility for what you are attracting and co-creating, life gets much easier. And I’m here to teach you how to do that. If you are ready to receive my gift.